First Year Recaps

(some of this was written between March-April)

"So, how's your college life been?" asked a girl who majored in music who drove me through that breezy night. The wind blew my face softly, with the raucous streets around my campus at 8 pm. I sighed and thought a few things before I could say, "Well, it kinds of..awesome." Then, I got to explain her the summary of what I had done and will be doing as a literature student, in which she replied with enthusiastic tone and vehement nodding.

On the Course of Love

[Click here for a background music]

By the time you read the title, I am pretty sure you are already asking to yourself.

“Seriously, Fem?”

No worries, I always ask the same thing over and over again, too.

But yes, I am deadpan serious about this. In fact, when I told one my closest girl friends, she congratulated me saying “OMG, finally my friend has a healthy love-life!”

Welcoming Non-Conformity

I’m overwhelmed in my first week of my first year as a freshman. I feel like I could explode anytime—with a burst of feelings, hopes, and fears scattered everywhere to the point people are afraid to be near me.

After orientation week frenziedness, I come across into a class full of Anglophile. It feels like I finally belong to my old-forgotten niche—to have people who share the same enthusiasm for something that I love. It just feels nice, doesn’t it? To belong to the place when you aren’t acting pretentious at all.

The classes, up until this point, are fun and nice. Everyone is so encouraging and full of life, it warms my heart to see such things. The perpetual numbness has tortured me in a lot of ways. You know the feeling when you’re still awake at 1 in the morning, just lying in bed scrolling old chats or old photos, wondering how you’ve ended up here, and what’s going to happen in the near future. It might seem that I’m depressed. But I’m fully aware that I’m not in that state yet. I spend most of the days feeling very still and flat like I don’t feel anything particular throughout the day.

Wake Me Up When It Ends

I have to admit that I’ve been really busy for the past five months. Well, that’s just an excuse. I sure had free-time, but my thoughts are scattered everywhere and I could not make up my mind to write something good here. Senior year is all about exams—to me which feel like endless exams.

In the last day of my national examination, I found myself coming home at 10 am and spent one good hour of opening my old photo folders. Those are the places when I brace myself reminiscing the old days. I keep trying to deny the fact, that high school will end soon. It feels so unreal, up until the day I wrote this. I know it’s cliche, but it feels like just yesterday I wore this fresh, unscratched, new uniform. It feels like a day ago, a girl who was soon to be my classmate, came up to me and said “Whoa, do you remember me? You sat right beside me when we had that mathematic olympiad back then.”

On Hate Speech

Every time I open social media, there they are, the hate speech commenters. No, they don’t comment on my account but someone that I followed. And that thing makes me annoyed and astonished at the same time.

No matter what platform you use, once you decide using social media, the hate speeches are scattered everywhere. Especially on Ask.fm, when you can ask someone directly without the fear of your identity will be shown. I have seen so many hate speech, varying from plain-to-the-point-profanity until the-long-analyzed-full-of-facts comments. I know I should not be bothered by this thing because these people don't direct these comments to me, but somehow I am infuriated. Why the heck they have so many hatred toward one person? Don’t they have some stuff to be taken care of than point their fingers to one person?

The High and Low of Expectations

One thing that I always try to keep in mind is not to put any expectation on people.

People changed, so did I and many of us.

At one time, it feels unfair that we set some specific expectation to a person and eventually they do not fulfill our desire. We want to control people’s actions towards us, but then we realized we cannot control everything. We only can control our well-being.

Having the ability to control everything as much as we want is a satisfaction. But turns out life may not seem so much fun if we know what happened next.

As an overly sensitive person, I do have a lot of expectations on people until this  exact second. We expect him to be kind to us, we expect teachers to be nice to us, we expect our parents to understand us better and the list goes on. Almost all of your thought will be muddled with expectations.

It is About How You Give Meaning to Life...and People Sometimes

Yesterday, my favorite webtoon author told a story about giving a meaning to life. This thing had been in my head lately. Reading her story, I then started to think, how do I value my life? Have I, at least, been someone who really affect someone’s life? How do people will react when I die? Here, I present you my thoughts and two cents about it.

A few days ago, I saw a post on Instagram, it said like this ‘You are how you value people. You value people by their looks and money. You value people by their actions and personality. You value people by their behavior toward their religion. It is up to you to choose how to value people’